Do you realize
That everyone you know someday will die?
And instead of saying all of your good-byes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do you realize?

I probably started thinking too early today. I couldn't sleep last night, didn't fall asleep really until well after 4am.

Had a job interview, went to show them that I can type and that I'm not an asshole to people I'm working with, and that was that. I have to go back tomorrow.

I'm in the perfect mood for the night I'm about to live.
I'm in the kind of mood where too many people or too many thoughts floating in the air around you can be disrupting. I want to have a long, dark, eventful conversation with myself, tonight.

I'm logged in to a chatroom, and I sit and I wait. I dont want to talk to anybody really, but I'm sitting there, because that is what I always do.

Something bad happened, and it changed the way I feel. People aren't as good as they seem, but they usually aren't as bad as they seem, either.

Either way, I'm still left here, alone, talking to myself.
I wish Joey was online, I need to talk to him.
Robb might be able to talk to me, but... He's at school and I don't want to bother him. I'm not really sure what I need to talk about, though. I just need to talk.


Today we took a walk
up the street
picked a flower
climbed a hill above the lake
secret thoughts were said aloud
we watched the faces in the clouds
till the clouds had blown away
were we ever somewher else?
you know its hard to say...
I never saw blue like that before
across the sky
around the world
you're giving me all you have and more
noone else has ever shown me how
to see the world the way i see it now
I...
I never saw blue like that

Night falls
I fall
And where were you?
And where were you?

Warm skin
Wolf grin
And where were you?

I fell into the moon
And it covered you in blue
I fell into the moon
Can I make it right?
Can I spend the night?

High tide
Inside
The air is dew
And where were you?

While I
I died
And where were you?

I crawled out of the world
And you said I shouldn't stay
I crawled out of the world
Can I make it right?
Can I spend the night
Alone?

-lyrics by Joss Whedon and Angie Hart
performed by Angie Hart

I think I'm dangerously close to becoming some kind of mindless demon that feeds on the sexual desires of others.

Nothing sexual ever meant anything for me, ever, I decided. It was all bullshit and always will be nothing but bullshit. I try to find the good, I try to rise above and stop hating and being so damn bitter, but every time I do, I get a slap in the face.

There's a point where a person can't take it anymore.
I'm pretty sure I've reached that point.
If you're reading this, and if you have any sexual desires at all, I'm telling you now to watch out or I'll make you sorry.

I owe you pain.

This is the story of one named Tempura. He had mittens and galoshes, and a coat of wool. He also had a family, but I don't remember their significance or relevance to this story.

There was an asteroid, and it came close to the earth, and it seems to me that this changed the Tempura in a way that nobody could understand. In fact, it made everyone completely unable to understand anything the Tempura tried to communicate, by whatever means.

Tempura was very lonely, except for his pet dog, whom he named LaBelle. It was a kinda girly name, but it was fun to say for a cajun boy like Tempura.

"LaBelle," he would say, "Have you seen my mittens!"

......A long debilitating pause......


"...I have not."

"Off with you what good are you anyway. You're not even supposed to understand me when I speak. I hope the comet falls on your god-forsaken head. Off with you, I say."

the end.

Don't get so stuck in the badness.

Don't you know it's like bubblegum in the summer, in a parking lot, stuck to your shoe and it won't come off?

Applied for a new job, change of scenery is what the doc ordered. Also a pay raise. I'm a young capitalist in a failing economy, I see opportunity and I go for it.

Called mom this morning, just to say hi, and see if the family dug themselves out of the frozen tundra I call wyoming, they call home. Also, got reminded recently that death can happen at anytime, for anyone, with little in the way of reasons, so I called. I called to add one more memory in the happy and alive column, because you never know when there's no more making of those. It's a game, in a way. A person needs to know how to play and cash in, and hold their cards, and stock up for the bad times. Or when to splurge like a crazy person just out of prison.

Now if I could only learn to moonwalk...