This is an experiment into my own psyche, an attempt at being more aware of the levels of self in which I exist.

A Letter to My Lower Self:


Congratulations on a job well done, even when you weren't doing much of anything. At least you knew it and were proud of it. Congratulations on growing and aspiring and learning from anything you can.

My virtues are enhanced by your downfalls. My cycles are dictated by your needs. We're gemini, and as such I suppose I'm able to split off into these two sides, and have a small conversation with you.

I admire your willingness to be good-natured. It borders on ignorance sometimes, but it heals you at a rapid rate and keeps your energies flowing.

I respect your anger that you sometimes feel when those that you look to have somehow fallen short of your expectations. Like a hungry child that is missing dinner, your tears don't go unheard. I hear you, if none else. It's okay, go to sleep, and the morning will appear like a perfect dream to chase away the shadows.

I see your thirst for identity. Together we will slowly uncover that which was chosen for us, and that which we choose. Remember to resonate with symbols which bring confidence and positivity.

Let us be at peace with eachother, and work in perfect kinetic unison as we explore this world and life. Let me be your eyes, just as you are my heart. As one, foreward in knowledge.

--XX--

You can talk to me about powder kegs
And how I'm sitting on one right now
You can warn me about candles and both ends burning from the outside in
But don't tell me about true love
'Cause I don't think you really know
You need to pay the costs
You need to feel the loss
'Cause love is expensive and free
Love is expensive and free

Talk to me about appearances
I tell ya' lately they mean less and less
Do your best to keep me occupied
It's hard to concentrate, I must confess
Don't you tell me about heartbreak
'Cause it ain't written in the stars
You need to pay the costs
You need to feel the loss
'Cause love is expensive and free
Love is expensive and free

Alright, you got me
Don't you worry 'bout my baby
Her eyes are open all the time
I could never bare to see her
Much less remove her from my mind
I didn't talk to you about true love
I didn't think you'd understand
You need to pay the costs
You need to feel the loss
'Cause love is expensive and free
Love is expensive and free
Love is expensive and free

Maybe we won't always live to regret the shiningly innocent and naive moments of optomism we choose to release into the atmosphere.

But in that moment, like a polaroid taken, I can see that I was smiling and I was happy.

I'd much rather leave evidence that I was happy than look back at my life and wonder, "What was I feeling? What did I do with my time? Where has it gone..."

So I will continue my painful, uphill, often-faught-against pathway. And perhaps in the end I'll have something glowing to show for it.

Losing Streak:

This message brought to you by the people who say you can't, the symbols in this world which tell you no, and the movies produced that show you it's hopeless.

This message is an invitation to the masses. Nothing ground-breaking happened today in history (herstory?), nothing magical has been invoked. But this invitation stands on a day that may as well be the last chance for this kind of real reflection and perception-altering meditation. Who knows? Tomorrow the earth may be swept away and all will exist only in your memory.

This invitation is to end the losing streak. Bring it to a close, acknowledge it for what it was. I, for one, remember learning many valuable and character-enhancing lessons from my losing streak. I learned that nothing stays the same for very long. I learned that most of the things that happen to you are only the product of what you have really been asking the universe for (whether consciously or subconsciously). I learned that I lose because I expect it.

Tomorrow I will win. Later today I will win. I am actually winning right now. Because my losing streak is over, it had its time and served its purpose like everything else in life. But it has now expired, and is no longer valid.

This does not mean everything will go my way. It simply means that from this moment forward, I'm not plagued by asking for the things that would hurt me. I'm not kept up at night by the negative aspects I've somehow drawn into my life. I am reborn, slithering from my light-encased womb I've been inside of, growing and developing tools and traits. I crawl slimy and wet, dripping with enthusiasm and newness, onto the earth.

Now I invite you to check your womb and slither from it, to embrace the people in your life without your losing streak holding you back.

(Leave some comments, people! Am I talking to myself or something....)

-Matt