Let it snow.

Even as the world falls down around me, to be swept away like sawdust, the opening of new beginnings and original endeavors tells a tale of renewal. Every year brings the same feeling, of a bright new future, built upon a past too ominous to forget.

What happened this year? In 2003, I struck out on my own, and lived alone, for quite some time. I've been at the same job for the whole year, as well. This is the longest i have ever stayed in one place, as far as jobs are concerned.

Relationship status: I found the one I want, I lost the one I want, only to realize that nobody ever loses anything, only... we somehow move on, past the moment in time and space that holds that thing we lost. In my case, in this case, I moved on past a feeling, an emotion, and a person, all at the same time. I opened a box within myself that can never be closed again. I dont know when it happened, but the point is, that once you go there, you can never go back. I'm pretty much changed, almost chemically, as far as romantic relationships go. And I couldn't be more satisfied.

I came to develop a sense of peace about things in my world that used to make me bitter. In realizing that by being bitter I only cheat myself out of being happy elsewhere, things began to change.

I may be a bit more darkly cynical and "jaded" than before, though. I'm older and wiser, and the same things don't bring me happiness like I thought and had learned they should. A party in a hotel room holds about as much meaning as crying over spilled wine (who drinks milk anymore).

Hey, can I get another shot of this?

A few more shots and the lines will become blurry. Blurred rality and blurred worlds are okay by me, my senses become dull and for a while, I'm the same as I was the day I awoke on this rock, forever naive and perfectly content about everything left in the unaware shadows. Leave it all there, I have no use for it.

And when the numbness fades, returning me to my senses, the world will still be broken, and I'll be ready for whatever can come next.

X