Its been one year.

In time that passes without a mark between here and there, little can be noticed of the changing place we call home.

There are those that think of hope, and move it to the front of their purpose, and they use it as a flashlight to drive away the gray. In the past, this would have worked for me.

Ignorance isn't bliss, if it will get you swallowed whole.

Having said that, it's probably time for me to go back to the fight I gave up so long ago. I let go and moved with the flow. I wanted to blend in, I wanted to live a life. But something has changed, the world is meaner.

In this new world, nobody can afford to be anything other than what they were born to be.

"Yeah its Like That"

club thumping pumping
i see you moving slowly

he disappears but he's there when i don't need him

Foxglove and henbane
sealed with a kiss
Why didn't i listen when they told me it would be like this

Me being weak and yielding
I do it
its over as quickly as it began

this isn't about love or hurt or understanding, or even why
it is about being like that

I haven't posted any pictures! I noticed this and set out to change it rightout! Here is my first pic posting. Clap, cheer, fanfare....



C'est Moi

That's my "badass" picture. People either love it or hate it. Much like my blog I guess.

Stay safe.

"I call the high and light aspects of my being spirit and the dark and heavy aspects soul.

Soul is at home in the deep, shaded valleys. Heavy torpid flowers saturated with black grow there. The rivers flow like warm syrup.

Spirit is the land of high, white peaks and flowers. Life is sparse and sounds travel great distances." --The Dalai Lama, as quoted by James Hillman in A Blue Fire

There are doomsday prophesies, and people running around saying that the end is near. But I have a very hard time listening.

I'm not blind, I see what happens in the world. People are suffering, nature is destroying what we have built, corporate schemes are going down, widows are being foreclosed on. Homeless people have no decent place to sleep, some of my friends are starving because they don't have money. My car sucks. There may never be peace in the middle east. Bush nominated a lady with an ugly blouse.

The list goes on and on. An average person with average awareness about themselves and the world we live in could carry on for pages and pages. But I simply won't.

My mom made a visit this weekend. I love her, she's amazing and she gave me great skin. But she made comments about her faith's belief in "The End" or "Second Coming." Jesus is coming, etc. The off-hand comments summoned up tremors of weakness that were programmed into me at a very early age by a preacher (or bishop) promising me the fires of hell if I didn't do what the Bible and Book fo Mormon said.

I now take a moment to publicly and electronically submit my voice to the heavens and the universe, and say "I don't agree."

The world is a beautiful place full of enriching experiences and people and creatures. Every day I wake up and I have exactly what I need. I have hot water at the twist of a knob. I have electricety at the flick of a switch. I have air to breathe and I have a warm expertly crafted shelter to call my home. I have many friends with whom I am in some kind of love (I have found that there are many many kinds of love). My family and specifically my parents, are the best people I know, and I am happy to report that they are considered some of my closest friends. I delight in the manner I was raised, though I no longer match my ideals with this system.

I have every reason right before my eyes to believe that people and the world are moving towards a new balance and harmony. Generosity is trendy: Charitable giving by Americans has risen by 180 percent in the last 45 years.

Twenty Thousand Years of Progress in the 21st Century
"Centuries ago people didn't think that the world was changing at all. Their grandparents had the same lives that they did, and they expected their grandchildren would do the same, and that expectation was largely fulfilled.

"Today it's an axiom that life is changing and that technology is affecting the nature of society. What's not fully understood is that the pace of change is itself acelerating, and the last 20 years are not a good guide to the next 20 years. We;re doubling the paradigm shift rate, the rate of progress, every decade.

"The whole 20th Century was like 25 years of change at today's rate of change. In the next 25 years we'll mae four times the progress you saw in the 20th Century. And we'll make 20,000 years of progress in the 21st Century, which is almost a thousand times more technical change than we saw in the 20th Century." --Ray Kurzweil, excerpt from "The Singularity," on the Edge website, March 25, 2001.


So, do I think the world is coming to an end? Maybe. But only in the sense that "the world as we know it" is dying, and a new, brave, beautiful, shiny, dripping, orgasmic and sacred world is being born. I'll be in the operating room when it pokes out its gorgeous head.

"Let's Pick the Lady with the Ugliest Blouse!"

President W’s nomination of his White House counsel, Harriet Miers, to replace Justice Sandra Day O’Connor on the Supreme Court fits a pattern that other presidents have sometimes followed: choose a close friend and political factotum to serve on the high court. (MSN news reports on October 3, 2005)

Well I still think he just thought, "Who's got the ugliest blouse. She means business."

In other news... Its October! Everybody get ready for Halloween! My tivo messed up and didn't record the new Charmed, or the new Supernatural. I thought about calling to complain, but it's gone forever and no amount of complaining will bring either of these things back.

This is an experiment into my own psyche, an attempt at being more aware of the levels of self in which I exist.

A Letter to My Lower Self:


Congratulations on a job well done, even when you weren't doing much of anything. At least you knew it and were proud of it. Congratulations on growing and aspiring and learning from anything you can.

My virtues are enhanced by your downfalls. My cycles are dictated by your needs. We're gemini, and as such I suppose I'm able to split off into these two sides, and have a small conversation with you.

I admire your willingness to be good-natured. It borders on ignorance sometimes, but it heals you at a rapid rate and keeps your energies flowing.

I respect your anger that you sometimes feel when those that you look to have somehow fallen short of your expectations. Like a hungry child that is missing dinner, your tears don't go unheard. I hear you, if none else. It's okay, go to sleep, and the morning will appear like a perfect dream to chase away the shadows.

I see your thirst for identity. Together we will slowly uncover that which was chosen for us, and that which we choose. Remember to resonate with symbols which bring confidence and positivity.

Let us be at peace with eachother, and work in perfect kinetic unison as we explore this world and life. Let me be your eyes, just as you are my heart. As one, foreward in knowledge.

--XX--